Nadia Bokody: ‘Unicorn hunting’, the X-rated Tinder request that must quit

Unicorn huntsman profiles will usually include a swipe-bait basic image, Nadia Bokody states. Image / Instagram

It might be marketed as a “passionate” option to have a great time, but this tacky proceed matchmaking apps must end occurring.

I am conversing with a lady i recently matched up with on Tinder.

Things are going well Their reactions were fast and cheerful, and she looks wanting to meet. Subsequently she says a thing that throws me personally.

“I confirmed my hubby the pics and then he believes you’re very gorgeous.”


Confounded, we shoot straight back a text to explain the situation.

“are you presently on right here to fulfill friends, or time?” We write.

Read More

  • Nadia Bokody: the way I realised I found myself gay at 36 – NZ Herald
  • Nadia Bokody: the kind of guy female should not believe – NZ Herald
  • Nadia Bokody: The ‘scary’ intercourse requirements men are generating on Tinder – NZ Herald
  • Nadia Bokody about how an open relationship could save your marriage – NZ Herald

“For a passionate adventure. Therefore we can not wait to satisfy you,” she pings right back, punctuating their content with a smiling devil emoji.

In some way, I merely happened onto a terrible ’80s porn put, detailed with desperate sexual innuendo and a sleazy alternative party displaying uninvited.

When I’ll later learn, this really is a concerningly common sensation in queer female matchmaking spots, called “unicorn hunting”.

Unicorn hunters are essentially heterosexual lovers whom creepily stalk programs like Tinder and Bumble, soliciting girls due to their subsequent threesome. They consider these ladies as “unicorns” considering, truth be told, a queer lady who is up for promoting outstanding intercourse work with a bored right couples is all about as mythical as it becomes.

Associated reports

Prince Andrew got rid of as patron of around 50 enterprises

Lose world Australia opens about the girl dark colored history

Sleek, sumptuous but problematic Netflix miniseries Halston

Aussie guy states a lot more ‘proof’ he could be Prince Charles and Camilla’s daughter

It will most likely not surprise that find out it’s not particularly simple appointment potential suitors as a 30-something homosexual lady. Attractive, single lesbians in my own generation are just like level-headed folks at a Boxing Day deal.

What makes products more challenging for ladies like me, is simply what amount of guys invade our very own matchmaking software.


If you’re a female who’s ever ready your own Bumble choices to “women only”, odds are highest you’ve been faced with a profile with a very porny biography, like: “Looking for an open-minded girl to tackle with our team.”

Typically, the initial profile graphics try swipe-bait: an appealing girl, maybe dressed seductively, smiling in to the digital camera. The second graphics typically includes one. Sometimes itis only a general couples pic of these two of those; other individuals, it is a pic that looks think its great’d getting at your home on pages of RedTube – with many open facial skin and an oversupply of posed groping.

There is no doubt many these pages are created and handled by males. Not because ladies aren’t into threesomes (admittedly, they aren’t my jam, though i’ve enough feminine pals who have dabbled included) but simply because they betray an uncomfortable diminished knowledge about feminine sex.

While specifically male hook-up application Grindr is a behemoth because of the convenience that it gives guys the means to access no-strings-attached (and quite often no texting preamble) intercourse, there’s a clear cause no feminine similar is available.

Studies have overwhelmingly found that for men, arousal takes place reactively. In other words, if men sees somebody the guy locates appealing – specially if that individual nude – he is typically ready to go. For women however, the desire having intercourse is one thing that happens contextually.

What this means is it isn’t adequate to merely glance at a stylish person – we have to end up being stimulated with the help of our minds, also. Which could appear to be a romantic date, a flirty texting change, if not merely sense safe as well as ease in a specific circumstances.


In addition it calls for feeling observed and read. And a few simple points create a woman become much less visible or considerable than being requested to sub in as a sex model for a sexually disappointed few.

This can be however never to even touching upon just how very insulting “unicorn huntsman” users are to intercourse staff. Obtaining unpaid sexual treatments (because, truth be told – that is what unicorn searching is) invalidates the actual actual labour gender employees do, while concurrently dealing with people as disposable stuff.

The simple fact these users occur in queer women dating rooms only increases her bothersome character. Besides undermining LGBTQ identities, unicorn hunting nourishes inside gross, archaic stereotype gay and bisexual ladies aren’t legitimate – that people in essence can be found as a kind of cheeky heightened sexual performance for males.

I state this to not ever assess men who wish to sexually test in their relationships. I’m a big proponent of maintaining the spark lively by attempting something new for the room, and the last person to kink-shame (so long as it is secure, sane, and consensual – you are doing your, boo).

But, for any passion for Oprah, dudes; hop out lesbian Tinder. It’s currently difficult enough for us gay girls available to choose from with out your own exposed pecs appear within our feeds entirely uninvited.